I am right now at Helsinki Airport. I need to go back to Germany due to University Appointments and as I have to wait for my continuating flight to Munich, I decided to stop spending my time with sobbing over the pain of leaving Lapland for about two and a half weeks and start to update you IMMEDIATLY about the strange feeling of being back in civilisation. The University Appointments are in Munich and later on Hamburg, so that I can spend a few days in the north of GER where I might find a new home in the future. Who knows.
Conclusion: It makes me unhappy.
Clara delivered me and my backpack and of course my incognito kiddo travelling bag (look at the picture below) at Kittilä airport at 7:30 in the morning after a rather sleepless and nightmare soaked night. In the last few days I did not have much time with “my” dogs alone, but the time I was alone with them I already could not surpress my tears (dogs can be heartbreakingly sweet as you know 😉 ). Yup, them feels. Time went by so fast.
Let’s analyse which basic changes I perceive right now back in civilisation.
First: I have the urge to shut down all the noise. It is so loud (people walking, talking, crying, whispering, making noises they actually do not perceive as noise, everything flutters, pings, rattles and chatters) and I feel cluttered with perceptible things. After 3 hours in the airport I already feel continuosly nervous and observed. I realise that the freedom of perception (freedom – being devoid of being perceived and therefore observed) is no longer present and I realise that therefore I perceive a certain crave for being alone and isolated. It is kind of obvious and it is part of the “airport cosmos” but I realise it now much more than expected because it is yet exhausting. Thanks to Julie for keeping me alive and calm by speaking with me on the phone for three hours. 😉
Second: I really miss Clara and the dogs and the horses and everything Lapland is made of. I really miss burying my hands in fur, the hello howling, the pups, wild waters, big shoes, rough weather, free camping and I really can say that Lapland touches the edges of paradise and the insides of me. I guess this is what people call homesickness that whirls around like a line between worlds.
Third: On the other hand: I am really looking forward to meet my friends, my family, my own kitty, my homebased forests, the alps, the bavarian summer, beer and all the little things.